Ponderings

I don't know what it is about this time of the year that makes me melancholy. Could it be the hustle and bustle of the season. Nah! As a mother the hustle and bustle is an everyday occurrence. Could it be the final days of a year signaling the close of another year? BINGO! Did I waste days? Could I have done more? Achieved more? Lived more in each moment? Did I fulfill my dreams? My goals? What does the new year hold?... is this my year to break free?

What are my goals, my wishes, my desires? Can I quantify them... qualify them... express them... achieve them? These are the ponderings that invade my mind this time of the year.

Normally I am a very self-confident ... goal oriented ... over achiever... perfectionist. This time of the year that all collapses and I feel like I am once again an 18 year old just graduating High School with her future laying at her feet and the burden of her decisions weighing on her as she chooses the pathway to her what is to be her destiny.

Someone hand me another drink please....